Emotional Intelligence is how somebody manages their personality to be both personally and interpersonally effective. It’s their ability to identify, assess and control one’s own emotions, the emotion of others and that of groups
It’s the difference between a leader or a manager a people person or a task driven person. My experience shows that when you lack this essential skill you can demotivate and can be less effective at what you do.
People with a high degree of emotional intelligence know what they’re feeling, what their emotions mean, and how these emotions can affect other people.
According to Daniel Goleman, an American psychologist who helped to popularize emotional intelligence, there are five key elements to it
Daniel Goleman’s 1995 book ‘Emotional Intelligence’ introduced a whole new perspective on predicting and analysing employee performance. The author, one of the world’s leading EQ academics, suggested that there is far more to being successful than high levels of cognitive intelligence.
Goleman suggested ‘emotional intelligence’, a term developed by Salovey and Mayer (1989), is twice as important as cognitive intelligence for predicting career success and there was currently far too much emphasis on traditional predictors of employee performance.
High levels of emotional intelligence improve working relationships, help to develop problem solving skills, increase efficiency and effectiveness and catalyse the development of new strategies.
Goleman defines it as “the ability to identify, assess and control one’s own emotions, the emotion of others and that of groups.”
The Facts Regarding Emotional Intelligence
Neurological evidence shows that thoughts and feelings do not occur randomly. They are responses to a stimulus which has been perceived, interpreted and filtered through one’s underlying attitudes. It is a person’s attitude that largely influences their feelings, thoughts and in turn behaviours. Consequently, Emotional Intelligence is fundamentally influenced by the attitudes you
Practically this means recognizing you’re the changes of emotional state. When for example a person says something to you that really annoys you. Emotional intelligence people will be aware that for example their heart is pumping faster. That feeling in the pit of there stomach is there and finally that they now select how they react to the situation. Importantly for me is the fact that those rich in Emotional Intelligence choose how they react, they are under full control.
As a young police officer and later in business self-awareness allowed me to adopt a different attitude to everyday and extreme situation helping to result in positive outcomes.
Self-awareness has huge benefits, including the ability to notice problems arise so that you can handle them swiftly– before they get bigger– to the ability to see things from a clearer perspective, making your response to emotions healthier.
Individuals with high levels of emotional intelligence our comfortable with there own thoughts and emotions and understand how they impact on others. Understanding and accepting the way you feel is often the first step to overcoming.
People who possess good self-awareness tend to confident in themselves and their abilities, and are aware of how other people perceive them.
Self-regulation is all about expressing your emotions appropriately. It is also important to be able to control and manage your impulses and emotions. Strong self-regulation skills are high in conscientiousness high in EI means that you will thoughtful of how you influence others and take responsibility for your own actions.
Slamming the phone down and cursing in front of your team for example shows lack of self-regulation and that you have failed to recognise the effect of your behaviour on your team.
Acting rashly or without caution can lead to mistakes being made and can often damage relationships with clients or colleagues?
Its important to note that managing your emotions is not about bottling things up. This will only lead to a huge outburst or stress as you’re feeling mount up. Self-regulation requires that simply means waiting for the right time, place, and avenue to express your emotions.
Those who are skilled in self-regulation tend to be flexible and adapt well to change. They are also good at managing conflict and diffusing tense or difficult situations.
Goleman also suggests that those with strong self-regulation skills are high in conscientiousness. They are thoughtful of how they influence others and take responsibility for their own actions.
We all react well to positive people with a passion and its no exception when it comes to leadership. Having motivation as a leader means that you are probably responding to a vision or gaol. Emotional intelligent people passion for work will go beyond money or status. In their hearts they may want to create a better world or impact on individuals so that they better themselves.
I see these traits in people I coach they possess a strong desire to achieve and to optimise their performance. People who have these motivational skills can face failure by bouncing back and finding a new and better way to proceed. People with this sort of mental ability tend to be resilient and make great leaders.
A passion for what you do is far better for your emotional intelligence. This leads to sustained motivation, clear decision-making and a better understating of the organisation’s aims.
Self-Motivation in Emotional Intelligence
Empathy includes the ability to relate to others and understand how they may feel. Those two things alone are incredibly valuable traits which will not only make you happier and more successful, but also help those around you.
Understanding and reacting to the emotions of other is important. Identifying a certain mood or emotion from a colleague or client and reacting to it can go a long way in developing your relationship.
Strong skills in empathy can help you plan a conversation and a presentation. I used empathy in business and especially in sales. Understanding the emotions of a person that needed my services goes a long way to answering needs and selling what you have.
As a leader empathy can help you lead with compassion and putting yourself in the other person position.
When I trained young cops I used to help them develop this skill by imagining that the person they are dealing with was a friend or relative.
According to Daniel Goleman there are three types of empathy
1. Cognitive Empathy
It’s awareness — understanding someone else’s perspective — which is a crucial part of maintaining a good connection and communication.
2. Social Empathy
That’s sensing in yourself immediately what the other person is feeling, to have rapport pay full attention to the other person
3. Empathic Concern
If I have someone in my life who’s in distress, I’m not just going to feel it. I’m going to want to help them,” he explains. “It draws on a third part of the brain… We call it the ‘ancient mammalian system for parenting.’ It’s like a parent’s love for a child. If you have that love for someone, you’re going to be there for them.”
Rapport building, getting on with people is essential in leadership and makes life fuller in our private lives. Having great social skills is culmination of the 4 emotional intelligence traits I explained above. It’s putting these all together and getting them to work for you socially.
In the workplace social skills oil the cogs of communication. It serves to benefit us by being able to build relationships and connections. Some important social skills include active listening, verbal communication skills, nonverbal communication skills, leadership, and persuasiveness.
Using social skills to win new business is all part of rapport building and enhancing the communication between organization and client.
“friendliness with a purpose”, meaning everyone is treated politely and with respect, yet healthy relationships are then also used for personal and organisational benefit.
Bad bosses are detrimental to our enjoyment at work and to the business’s they work in. They demotivate people and cause businesses to rack up huge costs as people leave or simply don’t give their best.
A study by Life Meets Work found that 56% of American workers claim their boss is mildly or highly toxic. A study by the American Psychological Association found that 75% of Americans say their “boss is the most stressful part of their workday.”
Work time should be precious it’s where we can spend most of our time and where we can experience some great highs. Bad bosses are missing out on opportunities to maximise revenue and making a positive impact on our lives. I list 10 signs of a bad boss
1. Lacks Emotional Control
Angry bosses and the ones that are moody one day and happy the next provide employees with an emotional roller coaster.
They don’t realise that they are setting the tone of the day influencing the mood that people can take home with them. Angry bosses have little self-control or awareness of themselves and lack emotional intelligence
It’s bad for them and its bad for you, repeated activation of the stress response takes a toll on the body. Research suggests that chronic stress contributes to high blood pressure, promotes the formation of artery-clogging deposits, and causes brain changes that may contribute to anxiety, depression, and addiction. Recommended Read Daniel Goldman Moods Matter (non promotional)
2. Does Not Know Who You Are
Those that lead can win trust and respect when they genuinely become interested in who they work with. Learning about someone’s life and what motivates them are all key to increasing performance. No one wants to be invisible and feel that they are just another number. Bad bosses don’t engage they lock themselves away almost afraid to speak to their people. What have they got to hide?
3. Does Not Really Understand Your Expertise
It’s a fact that a boss may not understand the detail of the role that you undertake. You are the subject expert and a boss that does not appreciate your point of view and experience is missing out on vital information. Some think they have to demonstrate to their subordinates they possess better knowledge than them in a weird desire to feel superior. A boss who thinks they are experts in everything really winds people up. They are missing out on learning for themselves, will make the wrong decision based on a lack of understanding. We all hate a ‘know it all’ and when it comes to a boss there is no exception.
4. No Flexibility At Work
Is your boss a leader or a manager, bad bosses manage people bean counting and tied up with micro managing detail. They are not a leaders you can identify them by inflexibility. They will refuse to take account that we all have lives outside of work. So when you have a problem that’s stressing you out and your time off is refused it really does get to you. It will be the thing you remember and recall to others. Importantly it serve to change the mindset of a motivated individual. Bad bosses will ignore the fact you may work in your own time or arrive early tied up with the rules.
A great boss is a human being that can offer to help you out and will win your loyalty. They will encourage you to take time away from your computer when you have lunch. They will will want you to take the time off you are entitled too. Bad bosses don’t realise that we all need time off for recuperation and we all need a degree of flexibility for the emergencies that happen in all of our lives.
5. No Positive Feedback
Some bosses only look out for the bad stuff and only highlight your performance when things go wrong. This breeds a culture where everyone is afraid of making a mistake. Naturally that organization will lack innovation and creativity which all have elements of risk.
What about the other times that you did well? Negative Bias bosses suck the enthusiasm out of a team and individuals. Good feedback inspires and helps create the feeling of being appreciated. Some bosses are scared to praise as they think the person will stop working hard? Bad bosses can’t say thanks and its destroying motivation. Bad bosses won’t thank you for great performance as they will feel its your job. Some may just provide a perk or agree to a salary increase not knowing that words from the boss can be just as powerful.
Office politics and a boss that plays one person against another is a horrible game. One played by thick skinned bosses who don’t realise what they are doing. You may even come across bosses that use it as a deliberate tactic. Divide and conquer style bosses make life really difficulty and give us feelings of injustice. Favouritism is not against the law but it’s frustrating for everyone, even the one that’s been picked as the favourite! Individuals feel helpless and hard done by and will have a heightened sense of awareness around the people who are the chosen ones.
7.Takes The Glory For Your Hard Work
Bad bosses don’t even realize they are taking all the glory for a job well done. Some see it as they employed you to do the job, which you did well, and so they rightfully have the right to congratulate themselves. How many bosses have gained promotion, been rewarded financially for the hard work of others?
Bad bosses don’t recognize the contribution you have made. When they are basking in the glory it would be so easy to mention your name or dept., it would be so easy to thank you for your contribution. Bad bosses who have zero empathy, they cant see that the next time you may not try so hard. They can turn a star performer into a former employee with no idea on how demotivating this type behaviour can be.
8. Does Not Bother To Explain the ‘Why’
In the past it was good to enough to say “Just do it” without an explanation to why. An entire generation including my own simply followed the orders of the boss, sometimes we were perplexed to the meaning of the task. Asking why it was necessary would be seen as to question authority almost disrespectful. Bad bosses continue with this dinosaur rhetoric replying “Because I said so! This will leave the enquiring mind of the new generations offended demotivated and sometimes lost. Knowing the why can help put you in the bigger picture, motivate you to do a great job and help you feel part of the business.
After-all you may have a suggestion that could really help. Bad bosses will not realise that others are motivated differently and may think differently about there roles.
9. Does Not Recognise Our Need to Grow
Bad bosses are not interested in your personal goal to develop, in fact ambition could be seen as a negative attribute, they see that you may looking to leave or outgrow your existing role. Spending company money on developing an individual is seen by the bad boss as fruitless exercise. They may even see it as threatening as you strive to better yourself with up to date knowledge and qualifications. Good bosses will see that the individual will be in a position to bring new knowledge to the business and have an inspired individual who seeks personal growth
10. Lacks Passion and Vision
People love to follow someone who has a passion and a great vision for the future, they want to feel they are making a difference. Bad bosses will overlook the need to inspire and to motivate. They will see that you are receiving a salary or bonus and that should be enough. Bad bosses are more about carrot and stick and NOT follow me and my dream.
So What Have I Missed?
Has any of the above resonated with you? I am interested in your experiences it would be great to have some added below (without names of course)
Who is this guy Nick Marr?
I started my life helping leaders get the best from themselves at the Metropolitan Police Leadership Academy, Scotland Yard. I then went on to run several disruptive businesses; I was featured in the FT and BBC Breakfast for my startups. I accidentally created a social media viral that went global. I have experience as Vice President of Sales and Chief Marketing Officer.
I coach leaders, help individuals with their startups and speak at events about leadership and diversity.
More at NickMarr.com it would be great to hear from you.
#leadership #leadeshipskills #boss #people #hr #leadershipdevelopment #
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