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Identifying Passive Aggressive Behaviours

Passive Aggressive Behaviours

It is easy for most people to retaliate indirectly than expressing their
disagreements head-on as the latter can lead to confrontation. Expressing
aggression or negative feelings is indirectly termed as passive-aggressive behaviour. A great deal of passive aggression arises
from a failure to communicate, miscommunication, or an assumption that the other party is clairvoyant to being aware of
the negative emotions felt by the other.

Passive aggressiveness can come in varying degrees which makes it extremely
difficult to identify.  However, in a lot
of cases, it’s said to be a disconnection between promises made and an
individual’s actions. Such actions might not be viewed as a form of angry
retribution, but rather disguised as feigned politeness or friendly agreements (which
contain ulterior motives and mask deception and manipulation with well-meaning
words). According to Dr Wetzler, author
of ‘Living with Passive Aggressive Man”, passive-aggressive
behaviour “really is a sugar-coated
hostility”.  Below are some of the most
common examples (but by no means all indicators) of passive-aggressive behaviours.

Silent
Treatment

The most common form of passive aggressiveness is the silent treatment.
This conveys a person’s anger or resentment in the form of refusing to answer the
question, ignoring the other person, or refusing
to acknowledge their presence. This avoids conflict by negating any verbal
signs, yet makes the other person uncomfortable and may end up provoking them
instead.

Masked
verbal hostility with humour

Passive aggressive people use sarcasm and hostility laden humour to convey their anger, contempt,
or disapproval of others. They may say something offensive and add the disclaimer ‘just kidding’ in the end to
protect themselves.  They use humour and
repetitive teasing to piecemeal erode one’s authority and credibility.

Subtle insults

A passive aggressive person could choose indirect methods for offending
a person. One such example is the use of compliments, coupled with underhanded
insults or demeaning words. For example, ‘nice haircut’ is a good compliment.
However, hearing ‘nice haircut, it makes you look much younger’ signifies a passive-aggressive behaviour.

Leaving things undone

Some people may remark that they might have that one colleague who
accepted to perform certain tasks, but
didn’t finish them on time, indicating that they would not be complete by the
required time. This means that they had to draft in other colleagues to get the
work done in order to reach the final deadline. If such practices are frequent
and not due to unforeseen or external factors, it may be a deliberate attempt
to create disharmony and could be passive aggression in career, signalling
resentment towards their field or job.

Complaining

Being sullen and complaining continuously to all around them could be a
sign of passive aggressiveness. Individuals may go around complaining to all,
except the person they deem responsible in order to avoid any type of direct
conflict. When directly confronted, they may play innocent or feign ignorance
of the charges that they’ve aired.


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Are you a workaholic or simple a perfectionist?

Are you a workaholic or simple a perfectionist?

When you read the title above which one would you rather be a‘ workaholic’ or a perfectionist?  I would say most would prefer to be perfectionist there is something quite nice about the word.“ Perfection” whereas ‘Workaholic’ has got so many negative connotations. This article may change your mind!

Do you know any workaholics?

Think about it, who is the person being a hero, they are probably really proud to explain hope long they stayed at work being so so busy. It for them shows their commitment their dedication to the company or task, but what’s really going on inside that person?

The term workaholism was coined in 1971 by minister and psychologist Wayne Oates, who described workaholism as

 “the compulsion or the uncontrollable need to work incessantly”

  • Traits that indicated you were an actual workaholic included:
  • Feeling compelled to work because of internal pressures.
  • Having persistent thoughts about work when not working.
  • Working beyond what is reasonably expected of the worker

Check out the symptoms

Physical signs of workaholism (is that a real word) may include headaches, fatigue, indigestion, chest pain, shortness of breath, nervous tics or dizziness. Behavioural signs may include temper outbursts, restlessness, insomnia, difficulty relaxing, irritability, impatience, forgetfulness, difficulty concentrating, boredom and mood swings from euphoria to depression

Do you know anybody like that?

What the Doctors Say

A workaholic is driven to put in long hours by internal needs, typically a desire to escape intimacy and social relationships.

Professor Bryan E. Robinson in his paper , A Typology of Workaholics With Implications for Counsellorsays workaholics often come from dysfunctional homes and have learned that putting in crushing hours helps calm their anxiety about other aspects of life. But like heavy drinking or overeating, workaholism only masks the underlying problem while creating other difficulties.

It’s sad to say that in fact the more they work the less they do!

Prof Robinson says. "A workaholic will spend unnecessary time on a project, often going over it again and again before passing it on."

Perfectionism is worse than being a workaholic

Despite all the negative evidence from above I feel perfectionism is the one that is the most vicious in its attack against the person.

It robs their victims of the feeling of victory, it steals the good achievements away from them while serving to drive them unhappily into a unfulfilling life.

Imagine creating something good or achieving your goal only to be told “That’s simply not good enough you must try harder in fact try again’

Who is that person saying that they are not good enough, how dare they make people feel so hopeless at what they do!

In fact it's not an external voice it’s a perfectionist inner voice an inner critic that just wont go away

Protecting Perfectionism

Perfectionism may say its that mindset that drives them. This is not true perfectionist thoughts pretend to be motivating. They claim that they will be driven to do and be better. But it’s actually the opposite.

It turns people into slaves of success—but keeps them focused on failure, dooming them to a lifetime of doubt and depression. It also ends up undermining achievements and takes away that feeling of success.

The truth a perfectionist brain will never ever let them be proud of what they have achieved

Perfectionism takes away all the fun and innovation

Perfectionism reduces playfulness and the assimilation of knowledge; if you're always focused on your own performance and on defending yourself, you can't focus on learning a task. Self-reflection is overwhelming and worrying.

It lowers the ability to take risks, we all know that some things like a new idea or different way to find new clients has risks.

Perfectionism reduces creativity and innovation its the opposite of whats needed to help everyone perform at their best.

How To Perform Better At Work Without Spending More Time

It transpires millions of us are working in the wrong way! I explore the evidence and discover how successful people work.

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European Mentoring & Coaching Council

What is emcc?

The EMCC or European Mentoring and Coaching Council aim to raise standards for the coaching and mentoring profession, not only in the UK but also across Europe.

“Our aim is to define, create and promote best practice for all in mentoring and coaching. For professionals in the field we provide a reference point for key elements like standards and ethics and a continuous conversation about how to keep improving them.”

The EMCC Competence Framework is the result of extensive and collaborative research to identify the core competences of a professional Coach and Mentor

There are eight competence categories across four levels.  These eight core areas comprise of:

  • Understanding Self
  • Commitment to Self-Development
  • Managing the Contract
  • Building the Relationship
  • Enabling Insight and Learning
  • Outcome and Action Orientation
  • Use of Models and Techniques
  • Evaluation]

Coaching Conferences

The EMCC holds different conferences:

  • International Mentoring, Coaching, and Supervision Research Conference
  • International Annual Mentoring, Coaching, and Supervision Conference
  • International Mentoring Conference.

You can view details of all our EMCC conferences and book on-line at www.EMCCconference.org

Why have a coach?

Coaching is a process that aims to improve performance and focuses on the ‘here and now’ rather than on the distant past or future.

While there are many different models of coaching, here we are not considering the ‘coach as expert’ but, instead, the coach as a facilitator of learning.

There is a huge difference between teaching someone and helping them to learn. In coaching, fundamentally, the coach is helping the individual to improve their own performance: in other words, helping them to learn.

Good coaches believe that the individual always has the answer to their own problems but understands that they may need help to find the answer.

For coaching in the UK there are three main bodies Association for Coaching (AC), European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC) and International Coach Federation (ICF) all share a mission to drive the highest standards.

EMCC hold a series of Webinars that may be of interest to budding coaches