Are you a workaholic or simple a perfectionist?

When you read the title above which one would you rather be a‘ workaholic’ or a perfectionist?  I would say most would prefer to be perfectionist there is something quite nice about the word.“ Perfection” whereas ‘Workaholic’ has got so many negative connotations. This article may change your mind!

Do you know any workaholics?

Think about it, who is the person being a hero, they are probably really proud to explain hope long they stayed at work being so so busy. It for them shows their commitment their dedication to the company or task, but what’s really going on inside that person?

The term workaholism was coined in 1971 by minister and psychologist Wayne Oates, who described workaholism as

 “the compulsion or the uncontrollable need to work incessantly”

• Traits that indicated you were an actual workaholic included:
• Feeling compelled to work because of internal pressures.
• Having persistent thoughts about work when not working.
• Working beyond what is reasonably expected of the worker

Check out the symptoms

Physical signs of workaholism (is that a real word) may include headaches, fatigue, indigestion, chest pain, shortness of breath, nervous tics or dizziness. Behavioural signs may include temper outbursts, restlessness, insomnia, difficulty relaxing, irritability, impatience, forgetfulness, difficulty concentrating, boredom and mood swings from euphoria to depression

Do you know anybody like that?

What the Doctors Say

A workaholic is driven to put in long hours by internal needs, typically a desire to escape intimacy and social relationships.

Professor Bryan E. Robinson in his paper , A Typology of Workaholics With Implications for Counsellors says workaholics often come from dysfunctional homes and have learned that putting in crushing hours helps calm their anxiety about other aspects of life. But like heavy drinking or overeating, workaholism only masks the underlying problem while creating other difficulties.

It’s sad to say that in fact the more they work the less they do!

Prof Robinson says. "A workaholic will spend unnecessary time on a project, often going over it again and again before passing it on."

Perfectionism is worse than being a workaholic

Despite all the negative evidence from above I feel perfectionism is the one that is the most vicious in its attack against the person.

It robs their victims of the feeling of victory, it steals the good achievements away from them while serving to drive them unhappily into a unfulfilling life.

Imagine creating something good or achieving your goal only to be told “That’s simply not good enough you must try harder in fact try again’

Who is that person saying that they are not good enough, how dare they make people feel so hopeless at what they do!

In fact it's not an external voice it’s a perfectionist inner voice an inner critic that just wont go away

Protecting Perfectionism

Perfectionism may say its that mindset that drives them. This is not true perfectionist thoughts pretend to be motivating. They claim that they will be driven to do and be better. But it’s actually the opposite.

It turns people into slaves of success—but keeps them focused on failure, dooming them to a lifetime of doubt and depression. It also ends up undermining achievements and takes away that feeling of success.

The truth a perfectionist brain will never ever let them be proud of what they have achieved

Perfectionism takes away all the fun and innovation

Perfectionism reduces playfulness and the assimilation of knowledge; if you're always focused on your own performance and on defending yourself, you can't focus on learning a task. Self-reflection is overwhelming and worrying.

It lowers the ability to take risks, we all know that some things like a new idea or different way to find new clients has risks.

Perfectionism reduces creativity and innovation its the opposite of whats needed to help everyone perform at their best.

Emotional Intelligence is how somebody manages their personality to be both personally and interpersonally effective. It's their ability to identify, assess and control one’s own emotions, the emotion of others and that of groups

It’s the difference between a leader or a manager a people person or a task driven person. My experience shows that when you lack this essential skill you can demotivate and can be less effective at what you do.

People with a high degree of emotional intelligence know what they're feeling, what their emotions mean, and how these emotions can affect other people.

According to Daniel Goleman, an American psychologist who helped to popularize emotional intelligence, there are five key elements to it

• Self-awareness.
• Self-regulation.
•  Motivation.
• Empathy.
• Social skills.

Daniel Goleman’s 1995 book ‘Emotional Intelligence’ introduced a whole new perspective on predicting and analysing employee performance. The author, one of the world’s leading EQ academics, suggested that there is far more to being successful than high levels of cognitive intelligence.

Goleman suggested ‘emotional intelligence’, a term developed by Salovey and Mayer (1989), is twice as important as cognitive intelligence for predicting career success and there was currently far too much emphasis on traditional predictors of employee performance.

High levels of emotional intelligence improve working relationships, help to develop problem solving skills, increase efficiency and effectiveness and catalyse the development of new strategies.

Goleman defines it as “the ability to identify, assess and control one’s own emotions, the emotion of others and that of groups.”

The Facts Regarding Emotional Intelligence

Neurological evidence shows that thoughts and feelings do not occur randomly. They are responses to a stimulus which has been perceived, interpreted and filtered through one’s underlying attitudes. It is a person’s attitude that largely influences their feelings, thoughts and in turn behaviours. Consequently, Emotional Intelligence is fundamentally influenced by the attitudes you 

Five Key Components to Emotional Intelligence

Self-regulation

Self-regulation is all about expressing your emotions appropriately. It is also important to be able to control and manage your impulses and emotions. Strong self-regulation skills are high in conscientiousness high in EI means that you will thoughtful of how you influence others and take responsibility for your own actions.

Slamming the phone down and cursing in front of your team for example shows lack of self-regulation and that you have failed to recognise the effect of your behaviour on your team.

Acting rashly or without caution can lead to mistakes being made and can often damage relationships with clients or colleagues?

Its important to note that managing your emotions is not about bottling things up. This will only lead to a huge outburst or stress as you’re feeling mount up. Self-regulation requires that simply means waiting for the right time, place, and avenue to express your emotions.

Those who are skilled in self-regulation tend to be flexible and adapt well to change. They are also good at managing conflict and diffusing tense or difficult situations.

Goleman also suggests that those with strong self-regulation skills are high in conscientiousness. They are thoughtful of how they influence others and take responsibility for their own actions.

Self Control in Emotional Intelligence

• Self-control: managing disruptive emotions and impulses.
• Trustworthiness: maintaining standards of honesty and integrity.
• Conscientiousness: taking responsibility for personal performance.
• Adaptability: flexibility in handling change.
• Innovativeness: being comfortable with and open to novel ideas and new information

Self-Motivation

We all react well to positive people with a passion and its no exception when it comes to leadership. Having motivation as a leader means that you are probably responding to a vision or gaol. Emotional intelligent people passion for work will go beyond money or status. In their hearts they may want to create a better world or impact on individuals so that they better themselves.

I see these traits in people I coach they possess a strong desire to achieve and to optimise their performance. People who have these motivational skills can face failure by bouncing back and finding a new and better way to proceed. People with this sort of mental ability tend to be resilient and make great leaders.

A passion for what you do is far better for your emotional intelligence. This leads to sustained motivation, clear decision-making and a better understating of the organisation’s aims.

Self-Motivation in Emotional Intelligence

• Achievement drive: striving to improve or meet a standard of excellence.
• Commitment: aligning with the goals of the group or organization.
• Initiative: readiness to act on opportunities.
• Optimism: persistence in pursuing goals despite obstacles and setbacks.

Empathy

Empathy includes the ability to relate to others and understand how they may feel. Those two things alone are incredibly valuable traits which will not only make you happier and more successful, but also help those around you.

Understanding and reacting to the emotions of other is important. Identifying a certain mood or emotion from a colleague or client and reacting to it can go a long way in developing your relationship.

Strong skills in empathy can help you plan a conversation and a presentation. I used empathy in business and especially in sales. Understanding the emotions of a person that needed my services goes a long way to answering needs and selling what you have.

As a leader empathy can help you lead with compassion and putting yourself in the other person position.

When I trained young cops I used to help them develop this skill by imagining that the person they are dealing with was a friend or relative.

According to Daniel Goleman there are three types of empathy

1. Cognitive Empathy

It’s awareness — understanding someone else’s perspective — which is a crucial part of maintaining a good connection and communication.

2. Social Empathy

 That’s sensing in yourself immediately what the other person is feeling, to have rapport pay full attention to the other person

3. Empathic Concern

If I have someone in my life who’s in distress, I’m not just going to feel it. I’m going to want to help them,” he explains. “It draws on a third part of the brain... We call it the ‘ancient mammalian system for parenting.’ It’s like a parent’s love for a child. If you have that love for someone, you’re going to be there for them.”

Empathy in Emotional Intelligence

• Empathy: sensing others’ feelings and perspective, and taking an active interest in their concerns.
• Service orientation: anticipating, recognizing, and meeting customers’ needs.
• Developing others: sensing what others need in order to develop, and bolstering their abilities.
• Leveraging diversity: cultivating opportunities through diverse people.
• Political awareness: reading a group’s emotional currents and power relationships.

Social Skills

Rapport building, getting on with people is essential in leadership and makes life fuller in our private lives. Having great social skills is culmination of the 4 emotional intelligence traits I explained above. It’s putting these all together and getting them to work for you socially.

In the workplace social skills oil the cogs of communication. It serves to benefit us by being able to build relationships and connections. Some important social skills include active listening, verbal communication skills, nonverbal communication skills, leadership, and persuasiveness.

Using social skills to win new business is all part of rapport building and enhancing the communication between organization and client.

Social Skills in Emotional Intelligence

• Influence: wielding effective tactics for persuasion.
• Communication: sending clear and convincing messages.
• Leadership: inspiring and guiding groups and people.
• Change catalyst: initiating or managing change.
• Conflict management: negotiating and resolving disagreements.
• Building bonds: nurturing instrumental relationships.
• Collaboration and cooperation: working with others toward shared goals.
• Team capabilities: creating group synergy in pursuing collective goals